Wednesday 26 February 2014

Is It Worth It?

The question was asked today, Can any good actually come from the whole re-investigation of the abuses in North Wales?
The answer has Got to be yes was my immediate response and I posted my response as "It already has been because we got contact back with each other."
This was quickly followed by somebody in agreement with me.
Then I started thinking about the different angles from which it can be viewed.

Mental Scars - 
Yes, we all have them, most of them run deep. 
The re-investigation has severe ramifications on all possible scenario. 
  • A few along the way had managed to gloss over the cracks and start to function as human beings on the edge of society. Somebody comes along and picks at the gloss until they find a weak spot and everything falls apart.
  • Some had managed to find a few bags of cement and proper seal over the demons, get a job, a life and actually make something of themselves despite society. Somebody comes along and digs away at your past, disrupts your life with questions you really didn't want to have to deal with again. You never wanted your past to inflict on the people in your life, it wasn't their fault after all, so why should they suffer. Resentment builds over something that was legally "Dead" and emotionally "Buried". Why the exhumation?
  • Some were still struggling to come to terms with things, they were dealing with it, starting to cope, but still a little shaky on their feet so stayed away from life, excluded themselves from society. Somebody comes along and offers you the chance for answers and you grab for it with both hands... and they pull back, teasing. You reach again and again they move. Just slightly. They dangle a chance of Justice to 'up the ante' so you plunge headlong into police interviews and months of bad dreams. You start to come out the other end and you can see the prize, glittering, you reach, you can almost .....nearly.... and you miss.
  • Some had wallowed in the very depths of it all and never moved beyond the nightmare. They lashed out at all turns, hated, condemned and blamed society. Somebody comes along and lets you pour your heart out, unburden your soul and vent your anger somewhat. You think Ok, this may be just what I need, so you do what they ask. You sit patiently and wait. They promise help and you wait some more. Eventually, you ask where this help is.... to be told, it's at the end of the court case, in 3-5 years time. You go away and you sit and dwell and eventually, hopefully, somebody else notices you aren't coping and you are given counselling. At the start of the "theraputic" session, you are then told you cannot speak about the real issue, because it is still subject to investigation and the more you repeat the events, the more embellished the tale is liable to become. You can speak about your anger over that issue, but no case-related facts.

Support -
I hope most are getting the support they need. I know, however, they are not. Some are left to cope on their own. Some don't feel able to speak out. Others are still too scared. A few have access to support, but they then hit another obstacle.
Counsellors are telling them they can't speak freely about the abuse they suffered. When you are venting frustrations, anger, the last thing you need, want or expect is somebody interrupting you to say "Sorry, we can't discuss that because it's under investigation."
That helps NOBODY.

Victim Support have been fantastic with me, I must admit. I have phone sessions once a week and the woman I speak with is fantastic. She lets me say whatever I need to get off my chest at that point. She made me a promise the first day that she will never breathe a word I say to her, it's taken me a while to build up the trust but it's getting there and I now believe her.
Victim Support will take on any victim via self referral. All you need is the crime number.

Justice -
For there to be Justice, there has to be charges made.
19 arrests so far under Operation Pallial has resulted in 1 previously convicted paedophile being taken to court. 
Yes, I understand 250 statements is a lot to trawl through. It's a lot of people to contact and a logistical nightmare I'm sure.  But it's not rocket science!
Pretty much anyone is capable of entering search terms into a document and pulling out information. 
Better still, go old school... use a whiteboard.

Here's one we made earlier. 

Or even better still!! Maybe have a couple of Officers read the original Waterhouse inquiry report. Have them look at the absent names from the report.  Look for all the irregularities. Check the business dealings of the private companies. Check the accounts for the Council run establishments. Have a bookkeeper do it! 
I think you will find most of the statements sitting on desks will start to fill in the blanks and go some way to explaining why some questions were never asked.
That is the only way we will see any kind of Justice

Long Term -
Over time, we have reforged lost friendships and made new ones as we have been forced to seek out those that Know what went on in Wales. Survivor groups are full of people needing the solidarity offered in numbers, yet strangely quiet as the members wait for the next arrest with no charges.
  • Yes, eventually some will get some form of closure. They will make peace with one or two of their demons and the world won't seem quite as shitty.
  • Some will finally be able to move on. Have a life. 
  • Others may be destroyed. Life ruined. Pain they had once thought gone, dredged back to the surface. A festering scum that taints everything it touches. 
Worth it? not by a long shot. We lost our childhoods to these criminals. Now the Gov. has taken away part of our adulthoods in the names of these Paedophiles. How much more do we have to sacrifice before somebody will actually do something about the endemic paedophilia problem in the UK?


  1. thank you, this made me realise I am not alone, the thoughts and feelings, the facts you have so eloquently portrayed, sounds like me, and to know I am not alone in them makes me realise there are others who totally understand what it was like, and what it's like today living with it <3 Amanda

    1. I will be finishing it at some point, but writing it built up quite a lot of anger.


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